tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55393876339347936092024-02-01T23:17:09.691-05:00Brain Travel; A Woman's Musings.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.comBlogger55125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-26124971455237680992017-12-16T09:28:00.002-05:002017-12-23T10:05:03.729-05:00Old TapesWhat a funny title. Old Tapes. I'm 60, so I know what I mean. I know the visual that the title brings up. Audio tapes. But today a young person would likely think of tape as in adhesive. At any rate, this morning for this 60 year old woman, my "old tapes" are playing in my head. I haven't posted here in more than a year. I realize it is because I have this internal critic that holds up a standard of what the post must be, how it must look and sound, the impact it must have on readers, blah, blah, blah. I allow it to paralyze me.<br />
<br />
Not this morning. Fuck it. I woke up grateful to sit in the quiet and have a cup of my favorite bold coffee at my leisure. As I sat there enjoying the moment, I thought of my daughter. Actually I thought of my mothering. (Yes, it's all about me). I struggle, on a regular and consistent basis, with the belief that I suck as a mother. My mind reviews actions as a mother that I question and criticize over and over. It's ugly in there. Brutal. I don't know why I do this. I think my own mother probably did. Who knows. She is gone now and I cannot ask her. Sometimes that dysfunctional mind crap is passed on without even knowing, and this morning there it was ... waiting for me in the quiet.<br />
<br />
I suppose it's no accident that when I opened this page of my blog (in which I almost never write), there was my last post. The topic? Mother's Day. (Sigh!) My intention is not to work anything out on here or post my grand pearls of wisdom and discovery. My goal was simply to post even in the midst of the Inner Critic's voice. To type out my thoughts like a journal entry without questioning.<br />
So, there you have it.<br />
<br />
Time for another cup of coffee.<br />
<br />
☕ ☕ ☕ ☕Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-48519306166940865422016-05-08T10:25:00.002-04:002016-05-08T10:25:47.400-04:00The Hard Part of Mother's day<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFOCIE1GIILSmg_WXXqPryVz8-lvzP98fuJXTFMDdVWCicZ92NSIyiyR5fVg0aX3yTUpysiFyU3jVjeYGtSv7LD5f8NMVs3dKvPMMKLQ1-p2xf1LOWqUkprgoI8_pvlTTjLx9ts21DEwc/s1600/IMG_3359.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFOCIE1GIILSmg_WXXqPryVz8-lvzP98fuJXTFMDdVWCicZ92NSIyiyR5fVg0aX3yTUpysiFyU3jVjeYGtSv7LD5f8NMVs3dKvPMMKLQ1-p2xf1LOWqUkprgoI8_pvlTTjLx9ts21DEwc/s320/IMG_3359.JPG" width="240" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I think the hardest part for me about Mother’s Day is that I
remember my human failings as a mother. I think of all those times I had no
idea what I was doing. I was not fully aware of my own wounding and was
therefore, incapable of responding apart from that woundedness. There are those
memories, those times I can never get back. Ever. I think of those and it
weighs heavy on my heart. Mother’s Day needs to be large enough to hold that
too. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Being a mother or a father is such an important job, raising
a human to survive in this world and to thrive. It is not something to be taken
lightly. Although, in our culture I think many have children without a thought
or conscious consideration as to what they are doing. It is just what one does.
Grow up, get married, have children. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This is what I did. I raised a human without fully
understanding what I was doing and how to do it. Much of what I learned and
repaired along the way, or attempted to repair, was a result of the work I did
in healing my relationship with myself. But that was much later, and by that
time there was a wake of destruction behind me. This I grieve. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">What is also true is I have come to love my human
vulnerability, my courage, my willingness to fail and be seen. I have learned
to embrace my not-beautiful and even talk about it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This is the part of me I want to make room for today, and
hold with compassion and tenderness. The part of me that fails, falls down, and
gets the fuck back up. The part of me that rises strong again and again,
because I do. I am not a Hallmark Mother. I’m not a traditional mother. What I
am is so much broader than that. Today I hold space for all of me, as both a
mother of a daughter and a daughter of a mother.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">If I am going to honor myself as a mother on Mother’s Day, I
want to honor <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">all</i> of who I am.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-20729990370889397392015-07-12T15:41:00.000-04:002017-03-24T06:37:23.915-04:00Why go away on a Women's Retreat?<br />
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<img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqeLHB17bSjQutFJ3RpLFWunjRbT5LCwo62MqLA1ZwtbnFNXl6yxhf67JBQ5J9BlBo45LYf9XBbATnO0aePKNKjvojSmAkTpCxpYD601lqf1FrYIwYn90ls0BrvajvprTBrClV1tDviE4/s320/IMG_3463.JPG" width="320" /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqeLHB17bSjQutFJ3RpLFWunjRbT5LCwo62MqLA1ZwtbnFNXl6yxhf67JBQ5J9BlBo45LYf9XBbATnO0aePKNKjvojSmAkTpCxpYD601lqf1FrYIwYn90ls0BrvajvprTBrClV1tDviE4/s1600/IMG_3463.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZmyZrAZnNWKCP0eB9eNQMMH-2gxC7A_ETqfwuS51wsRCiCEhosg6jK6H102qjL-88GNllmDuvgTL1oPq30hK-JL0O6Di08SdA8GEmnlmsCwFXZVc3sr_cioBBeDgLp1KjhPn2mYzNBvY/s1600/IMG_3470.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a></div>
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I have been exploring and making lists about what makes a woman's retreat so wonderful. This time next year, I will be leading a women's retreat at the beautiful <a href="http://bendofivylodge.com/" target="_blank">Bend of Ivy Lodge</a> just outside of Asheville. To generate interest, I am posting some of what I know is true. I will add to it as the days go by. If you have other reasons and stories to share, please do! :D<br />
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<br />
<b>Why go on a Women's Retreat?</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Sisterhood</b>: There is nothing quite as transformative and regenerative as sitting in circle with other women sharing stories and making discoveries.<br />
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<b>Self-care</b>: Women are the primary nurturers of the world. Our ultimate challenge is to direct all those loving, compassionate qualities upon ourselves. Going on a retreat is a declaration to those around us and to ourselves that self-care is no longer perceived as selfish but is instead a necessity. Our well-being is a pre-requisite for the well being of all those around us.<br />
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<b>Solitude</b>: Going on retreat gives you the space and the time to reconnect with aspects of yourself that you have forgotten or put on the back burner. On retreat, you get the opportunity to bridge that gap.<br />
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<b>Silence</b>: “Your life is always talking to you - are you listening?”<br />
A woman needs to step away from the outer cacophony of voices, to hear her own innate wisdom. She needs the time and space to know the sound of her own voice, to speak it, and then choose to honor it. Taking the time while on retreat to sit quietly in nature is a wonderful way to listen to your heart. If you are highly verbal like myself, a retreat can teach you the value and pleasure of silence in the quiet of solitude and tranquility.<br />
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<b>Peace and quiet</b>: you get to go to away to a location that is removed from your routine life, often some place with nature as its beautiful surroundings. This kind of peace and quiet is infinitely healing.<br />
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<b>Like-minded people</b>: You have a unique opportunity to meet people who are more or less in the same situation as you are, looking for the same support and solutions. As in every group, you will connect with some and stay in touch with others.<br />
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<b>Me-time</b>: the retreat time, however long, is all about YOU. Forget work or the kids. Concentrate on you and just you.<br />
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<b>Thinking</b>: You do get a lot of time to think. So you can tackle a problem, solve an issue or discuss future plans with women you grow to trust.<br />
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<b>Discovery</b>: A retreat is all about discovery. Of yourself, of other people, of a new place, of new tips and tricks. Be open and remain curious. You may very well learn new ways of thinking and being.<br />
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That is the beginning of my list. I have more, but for now I would LOVE to hear from some of you who have participated in Women's Retreats. Let me know what you found to be true with your experience.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-85117405567900717612015-07-10T18:42:00.000-04:002015-07-11T09:38:59.547-04:00What I Believe<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUWXt0c-O_MYbESfP6dTiSPwD7oux0Uq32Tj-hfDJxN_sTMDR1v0Hkl0EKmWRf2JNZpCc7VKwoDdloI5HhXxXzclhmWdSTz1A5uCvuX9UYjB-4etsf-zvkKtyrKcUo2brob0QGw1lGqX4/s320/IMG_0119.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me (left) and three of my four sisters. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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My dream is to connect with other women in a deep, powerful,
profound and transformative way. Here is what I believe. What do you believe?</div>
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<ul>
<li><span style="line-height: 150%;">I believe women
united are a powerful and transformative force.</span></li>
<li><span style="line-height: 150%;">I believe this
culture and this world seeks (sometimes consciously and sometimes not) to
prevent women from discovering and tapping into the truth of their power and the
transformative force that they are.</span></li>
<li><span style="line-height: 150%;">I believe deep
and lasting change starts from within, from the relationship we have with
ourselves.</span></li>
<li><span style="line-height: 150%;">I believe what we
say to ourselves both out loud and in private, how we respond to our own needs,
wants, hopes, dreams, desires … this relationship with ourselves determines how
we are in the world. It determines how we are at work, how we are with our
families, how we are with money, and how we are with our health.</span></li>
<li><span style="line-height: 150%;">I believe the
degree to which we experience love and joy and connectedness in the outer world
is in direct proportion to how much love and joy and connectedness we experience
in relationship with ourselves.</span></li>
<li><span style="line-height: 150%;">I believe the way
to improve the relationship with ourselves is the same way we would seek to
improve any relationship. We treat it with value and respect. We make it a
priority. We put ourselves first.</span></li>
<li><span style="line-height: 150%;">I believe as
women we must use our voices and our stories to connect with one another, create
change, and to know, </span><i style="line-height: 150%;">really know</i><span style="line-height: 150%;"> that
we are not alone, and that together we have power.</span></li>
<li><span style="line-height: 150%;">I believe there
is transformative power and healing when women gather in talking circles, on
retreats, and in creative workshops to explore, discover, and celebrate </span><i style="line-height: 150%;">all</i><span style="line-height: 150%;"> of who they are.</span></li>
</ul>
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I challenge, implore, beseech
you. Connect with other women. Sit in women’s circles. Attend women’s retreats.
Participate in women’s workshops. Share your stories. Tell the truth of who you
are. Allow yourself to be seen. Explore. Discover. Find those aspects of
yourself that have been discarded, lost, and long ago forgotten. Know who you
are. Love who you are. Find your pack. Then unabashedly tell the world about
it. <o:p></o:p>I will tell you who I am. Tell me who you are. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-47976897746034469522014-12-23T08:24:00.000-05:002014-12-23T08:34:00.100-05:00Early This Morning...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-os9JmFlpAAc0f-PztrguJozisN8Lm4WdBhjyd5Aqaig9y70xekA7zkbwBmvhiyKtvUCgOUnCwUZoHfVdd4jokPylgW91BgfcwDJIgMv0MvlhGIKvzmE2a6oQqi8aTYUusd7iYc6UVbQ/s1600/FullSizeRender-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-os9JmFlpAAc0f-PztrguJozisN8Lm4WdBhjyd5Aqaig9y70xekA7zkbwBmvhiyKtvUCgOUnCwUZoHfVdd4jokPylgW91BgfcwDJIgMv0MvlhGIKvzmE2a6oQqi8aTYUusd7iYc6UVbQ/s1600/FullSizeRender-1.jpg" height="286" width="320" /></a></div>
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December 23, 2014</div>
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<br />
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<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I awoke this morning and took the dogs out. 6:30 am-ish.
Walking to the kitchen, I passed the bookshelf and found this old journal on the
floor. Strange. Lying there as if it had jumped from the shelf. I can't
remember the last time I even looked at this journal. The notes in the
front are from when I was still married to Steve, and then also from when I was
in my first apartment after I moved out. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That's 16 years ago. Yet, there
it lay on the floor at my feet, most likely swept from the shelf by Frank's
high and very large tail caught in the journal's spiral binding. Still, when I
saw my writing through the translucent cover - the words I carved into the clay
heart box I made for my daughter Gay when she graduated high school - my heart
jumped. "Oh God, I haven't looked at this in years!", I thought to
myself as I picked it up off the cold tile floor. And as I began to read the
pages, I remembered there was more. I remembered tearing out pages that I no
longer wanted to keep. I have no recollection now what they contained, only
that it felt like a purge, a cleansing. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Suddenly, I was overcome with
the urge to write. So, here I sit on a rainy, dark morning journaling once
again after all there years. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This. The extraordinary experience of being
alive, when even the most mundane moments are filled with soul.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-5418423365671400422014-08-09T10:55:00.001-04:002014-08-09T11:04:23.930-04:0012 Hours Sleep<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXgwg9AOoiLfWlCyzEKwhqjhFVNBZB6dD_Q9b-fHLW-jjg5enJGkrmLM0wIvRCRNWh1msznSxRa75enzzwpTDcjp-3uOxqWHqv_5TPU2Cz_JzK6pw8h_7rvqxnxa75839PMcLXBkCqpjQ/s1600/1385837884966.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXgwg9AOoiLfWlCyzEKwhqjhFVNBZB6dD_Q9b-fHLW-jjg5enJGkrmLM0wIvRCRNWh1msznSxRa75enzzwpTDcjp-3uOxqWHqv_5TPU2Cz_JzK6pw8h_7rvqxnxa75839PMcLXBkCqpjQ/s1600/1385837884966.jpg" height="248" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
This morning I awoke after sleeping almost 12 hours. Yes,
twelve. For about a year I have been working on a weekend retreat called Women’s
Body Wisdom. Finally, on the weekend of July 18-21, I gathered with a
courageous group of women at the tranquil and healing Bend of Ivy Lodge. It was
in the beautiful mountains of Asheville, NC. Following the weekend, the women
gathered for a follow-up conference call since we were from different parts of
the country. The whole experience of that weekend continues to be a healing and
transformative experience. The courage and willingness of these women to be
vulnerable, to be truly seen, has been an inspiration to me. My heart is full
at the joy of having found my kindred, and I look forward to creating more.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The week following the retreat was my last one before
returning to the teaching world. Public Education. Ugh. Need I say more? Most
teachers, especially here in the south, let that Good Girl archetype keep them
silent in public, but behind closed doors there is much discontent, anger, and
frustration. The broken system of public education eats passion, motivation,
and inspiration like a war eats its soldiers. <br />
<br />
During my week of pre-planning, I left the school in tears on at least two
occasions. I felt angry, frustrated, and powerless. During the countywide
meeting, I heard the superintendent say that teachers are “those who serve” and
that he and the board are “those who serve those who serve.” Hmph. Really? Show
me action. Show me evidence. Immediately I think of the adage, “The best
indicator of future behavior is past behavior.” Yes, I am jaded, and I haven’t
even been teaching that long! 15 years. What about those who have been teaching
20 years plus? They have seen more than I have. I am, as my husband says,
“screaming impotently at the world”. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, I did what I could at pre-planning. Most teachers put in
sooooo much more time than they are paid for. They buy supplies with their own
money. It’s ridiculous beyond ridiculous. My sister, who teaches in Muskogee
County, told me teachers had their daily hours cut to address budget deficit issues
and then were required by their principal to arrive early and stay late for new
“duties as assigned” per their contract. Yeah. That shit happens ALL the time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kids arrived for their first week this past Monday, August 4<sup>th</sup>.
On Tuesday, I walked my dog in the evening around the neighborhood. We were
almost home when we passed a house where a woman stood in her yard with her two
dogs. Large dogs. UNLEASHED dogs. Three houses away they charged us. Her two large
dogs charged me and my lab. In the fight that ensued, I got bit or cut on the
knee and tore my hamstring. Blood running down my left leg, struggling with the
lead and my balance, adrenalin coursing through my veins, I am screaming at the
dogs and cussing up a storm. The woman finally got her dogs, and in an alarmed
voice said to me, “Oh I’m so sorry! Are you alright?” I am limping and blood is
running down my leg. I (thanks to the courageous and inspiring women of the WBW
weekend) put my good little southern “nice” far away and yelled in my strongest
voice, “NO! I’m not okay!! Put your goddammed dogs on a lead!!” <br />
<br />
The next day after working a full day with a limp, I went to see the
orthopedic. Yep. Torn hammie. She gave me crutches and anti-inflammatory. Told
me to come back in 10 days. If it isn’t healing properly, they will do an MRI.
That was Wednesday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Guess what Thursday
was? My BIRTHDAY! The doc had asked me if I had ever used crutches. I said,
“Yeah. When they were <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">wood</span>!” HA!
Man, that is WORK! So I got to school and surveyed the situation. My teacher
chair has rollers on it. Suddenly I had this vision of the movie Wall-E. I told
my elementary school students I was like the fat people in the floaty chairs
from Wall-E. In my classroom, I rolled myself around backwards, pushing with my
feet. When I needed to go to the office, I had a student push me. It worked SO
much better than crutches, and they loved the “ Wall-E fat people in floaty
chairs” reference. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That night, after being honest with my husband about what I
wanted for my birthday, he went well beyond and poured his love and support out
to me. He cared for me in a loving, tender, and generous way. It was a good and
happy birthday.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To all those women who struggle with the “be nice, be sweet,
don’t make a fuss” voice, I am proud to celebrate that I contacted the dog
owners and spoke of responsibility and integrity. They did the right thing and
have paid for my out of pocket expenses so far. It is getting easier and easier
to be who I am rather than who I think I *should* be. Joseph Campbell said,
“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” Damn straight, Joe!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tonight I am celebrating my birthday with friends. Two of my
friends, David Stepps and Cord Woodruff, are hosting a party for me. They are
generous and kind and supportive people. I am honored to call them friends.
There will be local family and friends there to celebrate with me. I am looking
forward to sharing that time with them. My life is full.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Twelve hours sleep?</div>
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Yeah. My body needed that.<o:p></o:p><br />
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<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-50448359059758986152014-07-08T23:06:00.000-04:002014-07-08T23:18:35.482-04:00Culture of Scarcity<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF-FhY67VrkubtgIz8nzPPyQ4ZbFlcE3fcjZ7hmEMjeXlNKE9iOAQ-LY1t6J6zCucqYrrcBADF4YmSVcFhLY04gCFPcJpHVACuMml9bQ9hxjJXB-zzpJc4MOHRI2cSu66NmW4vh5Y5Nqc/s1600/galapagos3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF-FhY67VrkubtgIz8nzPPyQ4ZbFlcE3fcjZ7hmEMjeXlNKE9iOAQ-LY1t6J6zCucqYrrcBADF4YmSVcFhLY04gCFPcJpHVACuMml9bQ9hxjJXB-zzpJc4MOHRI2cSu66NmW4vh5Y5Nqc/s1600/galapagos3.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">(Sea lions are symbols of <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">abundance in many Northwest
Coast tribes)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">We live in a culture that
tells us there is never enough. That we are not enough, that we are not good
enough, that we can never be safe enough, perfect enough, certain enough; that
there is never enough time, energy, money, love, creative ideas, etc. I grew up
with this message. My psyche was imprinted with this message. This message is
like a cancer that permeates every area of living and eats away at the passion
of living, of being fully alive. For women it is often mirrored in our
relationship with food.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">How aware are we of the many
images and messages of scarcity we are constantly collecting every day?
Consider how often you “should” or “shouldn’t” yourself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">And how many times do I hear
myself say “I don’t have time” or “There’s never enough time!”? Scarcity of
time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Or what about “I’m so
stressed because there is so much to do and never enough time!” Scarcity again.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Our culture strokes and
rewards busyness, and programs us to numb our feelings of vulnerability. “I’m
so busy!” in our culture translates into productivity, importance, carrying
one’s weight, and the *right* to be here. Think about it. What are your
internal messages about work and productivity? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">My father had an internal
message I don’t believe he was conscious of. The message, productivity is
determines one's value and worth, means the more productive I am, the more
value and worth I have. Living with him and being raised by him, I too carry this
message, although my awareness of it has helped me choose how much it drives me
and my choices.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Our compulsive busyness has
a payoff. It keeps us distracted from the truth of our lives. The truths we
don’t want to look at. We all have truths we don’t want to look at. It’s the
product of being a fallible human living in a world with other fallible humans.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">What are the consequences of
avoiding those uncomfortable truths and numbing our vulnerability? Well, for
one thing, it is not possible to only numb the unwanted emotions. If we numb
the unpleasant, we also numb the joy, the love, the passion, etc. Personally,
I’d rather be vulnerable. I want to feel it ALL. Our culture wants us to
believe that vulnerability is weakness. Vulnerability is at the core of fear
and shame and anxiety and the difficult emotions that we all experience, but as
Brene Brown points out, vulnerability is also the birthplace of joy, love,
belonging, and creativity. I love that idea. It is a *birthplace*. How cool is
THAT?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">These are the kinds of
things we will be exploring on the Women’s Body Wisdom weekend July 18-21. For
more info, e-mail info@sagesoulsisters.com<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-48489352139220765252014-04-01T13:29:00.001-04:002014-06-11T08:42:23.878-04:00An Expansive Life<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5AQxTDSWqchMjKBkH2Kna69ofV0P-IHneYpWnPiLmglBNiA_-P9hmed0maLHYHArKe2m4jitWaATN8QMBLC-Ig5YR-MQF8e-Ewds9HmP1bGbRR918nFlRi4-0XkEi9pUH8F4iJvA2ljc/s1600/9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5AQxTDSWqchMjKBkH2Kna69ofV0P-IHneYpWnPiLmglBNiA_-P9hmed0maLHYHArKe2m4jitWaATN8QMBLC-Ig5YR-MQF8e-Ewds9HmP1bGbRR918nFlRi4-0XkEi9pUH8F4iJvA2ljc/s1600/9.jpg" height="200" width="320" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Challenge yourself </span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">to </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">do one courageous thing every day. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Katherine Martin wrote, “Courage has many faces: challenging injustice,
breaking barriers, reaching out, being vulnerable, being different, persevering
against all odds . . . just for a start.” <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I would add to that list, *<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">being seen*</span>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Allowing
myself to be seen, really seen, is an extremely vulnerable and courageous act.
As such, it is not an easy thing to do.
It requires stepping out of one’s comfort zone. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">When I speak of being seen, I mean the beautiful *and* the
not-beautiful. The neat and tidy about ourselves and the not so neat and tidy.
The messy. The unfinished. The I-haven’t-got-this-all-figured-out parts of
ourselves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Author Anaïs Nin said, “Life shrinks or expands according to
one’s courage.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">What is an expansive life? What is a shrinking life? I don’t
know what<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anaïs had in mind when she
said this, but I do know that for me an expansive life sure sounds a whole lot
more interesting and rewarding than a shrinking one. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I was raised with scarcity thinking. I was programmed with
an all permeating not-enoughness kind of lens through which to view and
experience my world. I’ll tell you right now, it’s crap. I mean crap as in a
diminishing and unfulfilling way to live, and crap as in a false, bullshit
message to live by.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The question is, am I willing to risk being seen, really
seen, in order to expand my life? You bet your ass I am. Right here. Right now.
Tell-the-truth-faster kind of being seen. Yes, those truths that might repel.
Truths that might offend. Truths that might “hurt other’s feelings” (whatever
that means, but that’s a post for another time). Telling the truth faster about
what I really want, what I really think, what I really feel requires that I
trust the other person to take responsibility for their own feelings. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">As a girl I was taught that a good and kind and loving woman
*manages* other people’s feelings. She takes responsibility for how another
feels. She does this by changing and monitoring who she is in a multitude of
small ways in order that others might be more comfortable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">No more. Not my job. Not even possible. Even more so, it
creates martyrs and manipulators of women. That’s not a happy place. It’s a
bitter place. It is a place of scarcity, and now we have circled right back
around to where I began. An expansive life, or a shrinking one?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I want a life of abundance, and that means I have to be
willing to dare greatly, call up my courage, bring ALL of who I am. In doing
that I am saying to myself, “I AM ENOUGH.” Now, *<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">that’s*</span> what I call living from a place of abundance!</span><o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-2412424116938915912014-03-23T12:32:00.002-04:002014-03-23T13:44:01.960-04:00Down There<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcZOSXlCTO1GScG5jt1hWvuWo11viOO_F-VCbUiqn9eDk5QVJbb63Vjgozqb_qdsR6V_mikiQFj_GVljmxrklm0m7K_fnJz48KvKY8jhFoZ95ThSRLohpstPJFAlk0CXviymvLznuAzO0/s1600/cunt-feature-header-image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcZOSXlCTO1GScG5jt1hWvuWo11viOO_F-VCbUiqn9eDk5QVJbb63Vjgozqb_qdsR6V_mikiQFj_GVljmxrklm0m7K_fnJz48KvKY8jhFoZ95ThSRLohpstPJFAlk0CXviymvLznuAzO0/s1600/cunt-feature-header-image.jpg" height="198" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;">Cunt. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;">
Yeah, I said it. </span><span style="font-family: Courier;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;">C<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>U<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>N<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>T. </span><span style="font-family: Courier;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;">Those four tiny
letters. What visceral response does that word bring up within you? Four letters
arranged in a specific order. What about “TUNC”? Do you have the same emotional
reaction to those letters arranged in a different order? I doubt it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;">So what or who
gives that word “CUNT” so much power? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;">We do, that’s
who. You and I and each individual. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;"><br />
When I was a girl growing into womanhood, we called it “down there”. It was the
unspeakable. Un-nameable. Today I call it whatever the fuck I want to. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;">My body. My choice.
Your body. Your choice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;">Each individual
woman has the power to call her vagina whatever she wants to call it and to
express her feminine sensuality and sexuality however she chooses. *<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">That’s*</span> where the power comes from,
not the sequence of letters. Some women like the word “pussy”, others “sacred
yoni”, still others “vagina” or “hoo-hoo”, or yes even “cunt”. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;">If I as a
woman say to other women, “Vagina is the only proper term to use” or “Yoni is
the only proper term to use” or “the word CUNT is an affront to all women”, essentially
I am saying, “you are not interacting with your vagina the proper way.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;">In
doing so, I am perpetuating the same suppressive bullshit that the patriarchal
culture puts on women. In my opinion it is even more heinous because it is a
woman suppressing other women. The message is “You’re not interacting with your
femininity in a way that makes me comfortable.” That’s what the patriarchy says, and it’s exactly the fight that feminism is fighting against every day. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;">Women are taught
from the time we are girls to change who we are and how we are so that others
can feel more comfortable. We are taught to take care of other people’s
feelings. “Nice Girls” and “Good Girls” don’t offend, don’t rock the boat,
don’t upset the apple cart, don’t get angry, don’t hurt other people’s
feelings. In fact, they take responsibility for how others feel. News Flash: I am not a girl. I am a grown-ass WOMAN. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;">TRUTH: How you
feel is not my responsibility. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;">It’s *your*
responsibility. That is unless you want to live from a Victim place, as many
people in our world are prone to do. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;">TRUTH: There is
power in naming. There is power in choice. We each get to choose what we call
our vagina, pussy, yoni, hoo-hoo, cunt. There is even more power in supporting
and respecting each woman’s right to choose the word that feels *right* for her
and to express who she is as a woman in the way that feels true to her own soul.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 200%;">(Mic drop.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-34605492416177092502014-02-23T12:53:00.001-05:002014-03-23T12:46:21.679-04:00I Know a Woman Like That<div class="_4-u3 _5cla" style="border-top-left-radius: 3px; border-top-right-radius: 3px; border-top-style: none; padding: 16px;">
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-weight: normal;">(Reposting from my Facebook page just 'cause I like it)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">July 26, 2011 at 3:19pm<span class="timelineUnitContainer" style="position: relative;"><a aria-label="Public" class="passiveImg fbAudienceHover timelineAudienceSelector" data-hover="tooltip" href="https://www.facebook.com/#" role="button" style="cursor: pointer; margin-left: 5px; margin-top: -3px; position: relative; text-decoration: none; top: 2px;"><i class="img sp_bisgst sx_c55877" style="background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/y9/r/Ds4uSxMcRiQ.png); background-position: -188px -53px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; display: inline-block; height: 12px; width: 12px;"></i></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Last night I attended a local networking event. It was a smaller group of about 16 women. The venue had a peaceful vibe, and I enjoy meeting new women. But I’m writing this piece because there was something I noticed that nagged at me as the night went on. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I first perked up my ears during early introductions as I heard 3-4 women laughingly make mirror references. Most of the comments were about intentionally avoiding looking at themselves in the mirror, or doing it very quickly, if they <em>had</em> to. The implied message was that they couldn’t stand looking at themselves in the mirror because didn’t like what they saw.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Much of the talk for the remainder of the evening was about products and discoveries related to health and longevity. That’s a good thing, right? But something was buggin’ me. Later in the evening as I stood ready to leave, women saying their goodbyes and closing conversations, it finally came to me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I was hearing a deep underlying message that said we are not okay the way we are. We (women) must continue to seek out products, remedies, solutions to alter and yes even hide our age. I had the sense that it was a deeply unconscious message, but there none-the-less. If I can find the best creams, the best vitamins, the best anti-aging treatments and put all I can find to work on improving me, <em>then</em>I will be acceptable.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Don’t get me wrong, I believe in good health. I want to live a long, vibrant, radiantly alive life. But where is the line drawn? What drives my motivation? Am I driven by a desire to look and be different because on some level I believe <em>I am not acceptable as I am</em>? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Why is it that so many women cannot bear to look, and I mean <em>really</em> look at themselves in the mirror? I’ll tell you why. It’s because they cannot bear what they see. And why not? Because we are told over and over again from culture and media alike that we are not okay as we are. We are supposed to look a certain way, and it is a very narrow margin.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So yes, I want to <em>feel</em> good in <em>this</em> body I have <em>right now. </em> Not the body I <em>will have.</em> I want to <em>own</em> these lines on my face. They mean something important. I want to treat them with <em>value.</em> Imagine that.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">These lines represent the life I’ve lived; the joy and the struggles. The struggles have been great discovery times for me. They are part of what makes me the incredible, vibrant, radiant woman that I am. Yeah, I just said that. Out loud. I say it loud and proud.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The extra fat deposits on my hips and my arms are soft and curvy and FEMININE. These fatty curves are juicy and full. They represent my juicy and full life. Slap my ass and it jiggles. I point with momentum in a sleeveless shirt, and my arm waves with me. When I walk up the asphalt road in my neighborhood, I feel my tummy jiggle with the impact of my feet on the pavement.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">When do I get to love ALL of me? When are we as women going to model for the rest of the world what it looks like to be “a woman like that”, a woman who knows who she is and doesn’t try to cover it, change it, <em>improve upon it</em> because SHE IS ENOUGH. Women are the ones who need to lead this radical movement, this kind of radical self-acceptance.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">My husband is attending a film festival in California. He saw a film while he was there called I Know a Woman Like That. He said it was an incredible film about women in their 70’s who are vibrantly alive and passionate and beautiful. Women who are living their lives perhaps even <em>more </em> fully now than when they were 40 or 30 or 20. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Afterwards he talked to one of the women involved in the making of the film. He told her how much he enjoyed the film and spoke to its powerful message. Then he said, “I’m 36. My wife is 53 and she is a woman like that.” When he told me that, I shrieked and cried. I felt such joy and gratitude. Do you know why I felt such joy? Because it’s true! I <em>am</em> a woman like that. I felt gratitude because I can allow myself to know it <em>and</em> he knows it. How brilliantly awesome is <em>that?!</em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Do you know a woman like that? Are <em>you</em> a woman like that? A woman who is vibrantly alive… a woman who is radiant. A woman full of soul. A woman bawdy, laughing, inhabiting her body in this moment as it is. A woman who wears her years proudly, unabashedly. A woman who can look into her own eyes and love, truly love, what she sees. This is a woman who inspires social change. I invite you to be that woman. Make no excuses. Love who you are, exactly as you are right now. No dress rehearsals. This is it. Do it now.</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-20408377139487788822014-02-18T17:49:00.001-05:002014-03-23T12:47:20.970-04:00Asking For What You Want<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">In my family needs were not okay, much less wants. Wants, or personal desires, were considered selfish. You know that dirty word <i>selfish. </i>Nobody wants to be <i>that. </i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i><br /></i>
I grew up with the message that I *should* be Superwoman. No Needs. No wants. Take care of it on my own. Independent. Not needing anything from others, because God knows how unattractive a needy woman is. And in the mean time, be sure to take care of <i>everyone else's</i> needs. Be nice. Be sweet. Don't rock the boat. Be a good girl. Act like a lady. Don't make a fuss.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Good southern stuff.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Well, today I bumped up against some of that and won. Yes sir-eee, indeedy I did! I won, and I'm proud of myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">You see, I had been commissioned to create a sculpture for a woman who lost her daughter in a horrific and tragic incident. I was to sculpt an angel wing out of clay and carve the daughter's name on it. What a beautiful idea! I was delighted. What I didn't expect was how it would touch me and my own grief, my own vulnerability.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">My mother died from cancer a year ago this past Christmas. Being the 1 year anniversary of her death made it a bittersweet time, filled with loss and memories. It wasn't just the loss of my mother. My beloved companion, my black lab, Max, also died 23 days after my mom. I'll tell you, it kicked my ass.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Grief is a funny thing. It's not done in a day, a month, or a year. It becomes a part of you. I am wise enough at almost 57 years, to honor that truth. So when my own grief surfaced again while creating and carving this angel wing, I let it come. I welcomed it. It an odd way, it sort gave me permission to create this soul piece for this woman I did not know and may never meet. I poured my heart and my tears into the wing. I thought about my mother as I worked, and my Max.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Finally, after the lengthy process of two firings and a pearl-white finish, it was ready to be shipped. I headed to Fedex with my precious creation carefully wrapped in thick layers of bubble wrap. It was to be double boxed and packed carefully. The young woman totaled up my price and set it on a counter in the back. I could see it just lying there. Still. Untended.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I was anxious. Should I leave? Will she box it correctly? She doesn't even care about it. She has no idea what has gone into this piece. This piece is irreplaceable. Even if I had to create another, it wouldn't be like this one. It would be a different one.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I decided to tell her. I approached the counter where she stood. "I'm feeling vulnerable, and I'm just going to be honest with you." I then told her about the sculpture and that I was the artist that created it. I told her an abbreviated story of what it was created for, this girl's memory … for her mother. I told her I was worried about it, and would she mind if I watched her box and package it right now? She replied, "Well, I put it back there because we wait until it's not busy and wrap it then." It wasn't busy. There was no one else in the store. Truthfully, I don't think she wanted to wrap it just then.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She said, "I can start, but if a customer comes in, I will have to take care of them", to which I responded, "Oh, of course. No problem. I totally understand." You hear that good girl in there? You hear that sweet, "Oh, I don't want to be a bother…"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The young woman began wrapping and packing. She wasn't using the little air pillows or peanuts, just lost of tiny bubble wrap. I asked, "Are you going to use the little air pillows?" "No. Just this. This is the way we do it." I was growing more anxious. I had shipped artworks before. Some broke in the shipping.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I texted my husband with my concerns. He texted back SEVERAL texts about power. "You have the power. You are the customer. You are in control. You can ask for what you want" that kind of stuff. All this I knew on an intellectual level, but here was an opportunity to <i>live </i>it. I could ask for what I wanted. I could express how I was (God forbid) not happy with the packing job that this young woman was doing. I could make a stink, upset the apple cart, make a fuss, not comply. I could go against all that passive southern good girl programming and ask for what I wanted.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I could and I did.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I found the manager. I read her name on her badge and stuck out my hand, speaking her name and introducing myself. I told her about the sculpture and spoke honestly about my fears and hesitations. I was clear and direct. It felt good. I felt <i>empowered.</i> She explained to me <i>how </i>they pack and <i>why</i> they do it that way. What they have discovered works best and what doesn't. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I was so grateful for this information. It made sense and helped me let go and trust. I asked her if she would be willing to personally oversee the packing of my sculpture. With enthusiasm, she said she would be happy to, then walked with me over to the counter where the young woman was boxing my artwork. The packing was examined and the two of them talked about the best way to move forward.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I did it! I asked for what I wanted. I broke free from old programming and stepped into a place of personal power, and man it felt GOOD!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It might not sound like much to you. But I'll wager there are quite a few women out there who know <i>exactly</i> what I'm talking about. To those women, I raise my glass!</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-52125135528627519312014-02-17T22:18:00.002-05:002014-03-23T12:47:41.856-04:00Women I Know<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 18px;">Truthfully, I don't know a single woman who has not struggled with the internal messages of not enough; not pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, successful enough, you fill in the blank. It can also can come in its opposite form of too fat, too thin, too tall too short, too old, too pimply, to wrinkled, etc. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">From the time we are girls we are taught to be hypercritical of ourselves. We scrutinize every detail with an unforgiving eye. We are taught to reject our woman bodies. This creates a disconnect from an exquisite resource. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">Most of us don't think of our bodies as exquisite in any way, but they are. An invaluable resource for our instincts and intuition. For important messages about when we need to say yes, and when we need to say no. A resource of personal power and creative expression. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">When we disconnect from the wisdom of our bodies, we forget that "no" is a complete sentence. We let the Good Girl Archetype rule in our lives, seeking approval and love outside of ourselves. We become out of balance with giving and receiving. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">On the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/268641239963472/" target="_blank">WBW retreat</a> we will address this issue that permeates our culture as women. We will begin the practice of extreme self care.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">If this speaks to you on a soul level or intrigues you in any way, then join us July 18-21 for this transformative weekend. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">There are women in need who want to attend and may not have the financial means to do so. Therefore, we have created an Indie Gogo campaign to create a scholarship fund for women in need. Click <a href="http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/women-s-body-wisdom/x/6385284" target="_blank">WBW</a> for more info.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">If you know a woman who may be interested, please help us by re-posting and spreading the words via Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and word of mouth. Anything you would be willing to do to get the word out about the WBW project would be *greatly* appreciated!</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">Thank You!</span></span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4-35ZiPH9aPziIvIHJUw03Z2pM1c-oK5g917lDDi3JAK83gOwQj5z0w6ufr6Q7Vyeljve9Sy2hzHeLGcjSehSbKwMdJZyBpkNZ1Al4NWxvka_S_wOqzciz6oC80xqmfHxiVo9AxSKG0M/s1600/MP900426643.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4-35ZiPH9aPziIvIHJUw03Z2pM1c-oK5g917lDDi3JAK83gOwQj5z0w6ufr6Q7Vyeljve9Sy2hzHeLGcjSehSbKwMdJZyBpkNZ1Al4NWxvka_S_wOqzciz6oC80xqmfHxiVo9AxSKG0M/s1600/MP900426643.JPG" height="212" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-22683276092046903182014-02-15T13:02:00.000-05:002014-03-23T12:48:13.829-04:00Beauty<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.1pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">Everybody
does not get a trophy. Don’t even get me started. Working as a teacher in the
public school system, this topic circulates with strong emotion and opinion. I
am adamant about this, because I am convinced that in making sure everyone gets
a trophy we fail to teach children how to deal with disappointment. These
children become adults ill equipped to deal with life in the real world.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 10.1pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 200%;">I believe
this practice is fear driven. “Oh no! If little Brittany or little Evan doesn’t
get a trophy then they will feel sad and left out! Their “feelings will get
hurt”, whatever that means. Feel human emotions like sadness and loss? God forbid a child would be uncomfortable! What
happened to our faith in children, our faith in their
resilience and ability to adapt, learn, and grow? What happened to our faith in
our own ability as adults to teach them how to respond to disappointment?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 10.1pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 200%;">So what does
this have to do with beauty? I’ll tell you. I believe our culture has the same
kind of resistance to disappointment about being not-beautiful. There is a
message I am hearing more and more that all women’s bodies are beautiful, no
matter what shape or size or disfigurement. It sounds good on the surface, but
I am beginning to see this kind of thinking, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">without examination</i>, can be dangerous. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 10.1pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 200%;">Let’s break it down. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 10.1pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 200%;">Is it really
true? Is every female physique, every body type, <i>no matter what</i>, beautiful? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 10.1pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 200%;">Consider this: Is every kid gifted? Is every child an athletic champion? No. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 10.1pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 200%;">Yet we want everyone to feel included and valued. Not an unreasonable goal. Does
that mean we give every child a trophy so they can feel better about
themselves? Is their feeling better about themselves <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">dependent upon</i> receiving a trophy? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 10.1pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 200%;">Likewise, is
a woman feeling better about her body dependent upon being seen as culturally beautiful?
I am speaking solely about physical beauty. And yes, it does depend on
how one defines beautiful, but we will get to that. For now, I am going to
state vehemently and adamantly that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">a
woman feeling good about her body is absolutely not dependent upon her being
seen as beautiful. </i>Being seen as beautiful by others and me <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">feeling beautiful</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">in my body</i> are two different things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 10.1pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 200%;">There is a Facebook
page I follow which posts some thought provoking articles about women’s body
size and their acceptance of it. Many of these blog pieces and written works
are women in celebration of fat-women bodies. Even the word “fat” which was
taboo for many years is now being claimed with great pride. Wonderful pics are
posted of women defiant, proud, and celebrative in their largeness. It’s a
beautiful thing, in my opinion, an important step. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 200%;">
However, a recent blog post and a discussion with my husband got me to
thinking. One blogger’s point in particular was to encourage fat women to see
themselves differently in regards to what kind of men were available to them.
She encouraged her female readers not to “settle” because they thought no one
would want a fat girl. I get that. I think it is sound advice. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #262626;">The blogger wrote about moving from an attitude
that says "nobody wants a fat girl" to the place of "I refuse to
settle". But here’s where I got hung up. With great enthusiasm this self
described “Fat Girl” blogger shared her discovery, “I was the one who had to
sift through [available men] and pick the hottest of the hot.”</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 10.1pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 200%;">My fat
husband, who prides himself in being a realist and is totally comfortable with
referring to himself as “Bigfat”, by the way, made a good point. Isn’t the
action of picking through the “hottest of the hot” the same action many of
these posts protest? How can you say, “all women are beautiful”, out of one
side of your mouth and then refer to your choice of men as “the hottest of the
hot”? Aren’t you saying some men are hot, some are the “hottest of the hot”,
and some are not? If so, then the same is true of women. Again, we are talking
about physical appearance here, and it is factual to say that it varies. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 10.1pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 200%;">Attaching our worth and value to that fact is the problem.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 10.1pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 200%;">Fact: I am not “beautiful enough” to be a Victoria’s Secret model. Can I live with that fact? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 10.1pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 200%;">Yes. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 10.1pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 200%;">Does this fact diminish me in any way?
Absolutely not. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 10.1pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 200%;">Am I beautiful enough to win a Miss USA beauty contest? No. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 10.1pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="line-height: 200%;">Do
I care? </span><i style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">Fuck</i><span style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;"> no. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 10.1pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 200%;">Do you see where I’m
going with this? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 10.1pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 200%;">There will
be times when my physical appearance does not in any way fit the word
“beautiful”. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 10.1pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 200%;">Can I, in that moment, love and accept myself in spite of that
truth ... or perhaps even <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">because </i>of
it? That, my dear sisters, is the million-dollar question.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.1pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 32px;"> (excerpt from my upcoming book, The Forgotten Relationship)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><br /></span>
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">**</span><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">My husband just read this blog post. What he
said in response is insightful, beautiful, and I love him all the more for
seeing it and speaking it.</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">He said, “What’s true is I don’t have to be a
body builder, an underwear model, or an MMA fighter in order to know my worth. I
<i>know</i> my worth. The difference is I
don’t have a culture pounding into my head the message that I do have to be
those things. There is some of that for men in our culture, but no where near
what it is for women.”</span></div>
</div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-78783356767688678102013-12-13T16:26:00.000-05:002014-02-15T13:54:43.535-05:00New Friends I May Never Meet <span style="font-family: Calibri;">One of the extraordinary things about social media is that I get to
"meet" interesting people from all over the world, places to which I
will likely never travel. One of these is Catherine Meyers, a woman with a big
heart and creative soul. She lives is Apple River, Nova Scotia. The photos of
the land surrounding her home are stunningly beautiful. Catherine is an artist.
I have the sense her creative energies express themselves in a myriad of ways.
Two I have seen photos of are her hand woven baskets and her paintings. She
also loves to write hand-written letters, something we rarely see or experience
anymore. My mother used to send cards on a regular basis with notes of love and
encouragement scribbled inside. Catherine however, writes </span><i style="font-family: Calibri;">letters. </i><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Letters
with pages, all written by hand. I have one.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I asked Catherine to write a blog post for me to share. She is unabashed
and vulnerable. I hope you enjoy getting to know her as much as I have. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Introducing Catherine Meyers:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">Having reached the age of being a Crone, I decided to
write a post about rites of passage, and examine what the term means to me
personally. I believe it is about transitional change. I continue to
learn what this means to me, and hopefully I will always welcome change
with courage.</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;"> In particular, I strongly identify with
traditional First Nation people's outlook, and philosophy regarding
rites of passage.</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">People are always changing. We are either moving forward,
or regressing, regardless of the pace or situation. The one thing that
stays the same, is that life is always full of transition, from birth to death.</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;"> My life transitions are particular to me of course,
but like most folks, many did not come easily, were beyond my
control, and some were of my own choice, and decision.</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">I don't think it much matters what my experiences were, so
much as what my attitude was when they happened, and what I gleaned
from these rites of passage. The lessons learned, helped me to become
a better human being. I always reflect and paraphrase what I heard Angela
Davis say during an interview, when asked about her time in
prison; when you go through difficult times she stated, these
times either break you, or you get stronger. </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">My attitude toward rites of passage was, and is
everything. I had to find the positive, courage, faith, and trust. When I
couldn't find these within myself, I borrowed them from some one else. I
had to leave put my false pride aside, reach out to others for help, and put my
faith in God.</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">I certainly understand that much of my behaviour was
already hardwired in my personality due to my parental upbringing
that determined in part, who I would become as an adult woman. </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">I have had many rites of passage, and I am still
connecting these to myself, as a spiritual being, having a human experience,
who has recently transitioned into being a crone, now reaching the age of
sixty. When I think about this, it causes me to reflect over the
course of my life up until the present, and to take a kind of inventory of
these rites of passage.</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">I have listed the most significant rites of passage in my
life.</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 3.75pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: -.5in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">•<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;"> The first transition in my life came at the young
age of five, when my brother developed multiple sclerosis.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 3.75pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: -.5in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">•<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;"> I would be directly effected by two diseases. MS and
alcoholism.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 3.75pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: -.5in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">•<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">At the age of 13 my father left my family, and my brother
had a mental breakdown at the age of 23.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 3.75pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: -.5in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">•<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">My mother and I returned to Nova Scotia without my
brother, and this point I began to get more seriously involved
in substance abuse.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 3.75pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: -.5in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">•<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">My brother returned to Nova Scotia. I quit high
school, and went to vocational school in order to help me get into art
college. I decided I wanted to study art.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 3.75pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: -.5in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">•<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">At 17-18 years of age I moved out of my mother's home
and lived on my own for a period of time in Halifax.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 3.75pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: -.5in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">•<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">At 21 I got accepted into NSCAD ( Nova Scotia College of
Art and Design ).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 3.75pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: -.5in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">•<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">In 1981 I married the love at my life. Four
months later, he was dead from a complications from schizophrenia and brittle
diabetes, that tragically took his life in 1981 at the age of 26.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 3.75pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: -.5in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">•<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">I married again to an abusive, alcoholic man in
1986.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">•<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">I got pregnant twice, and miscarried both times.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">•<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">In the late 80s I re-united with my father after having no
contact with him for 26 years.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">•<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">Joined Al-anon in 1988, found myself in Transition House,
and divorced in 1991.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">•<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">After meeting an Art Therapist, and she introduced me
to <i>The Artist Way.</i> I quit my Youth Care Worker profession to
go riding horses at 40 for a period of approximately two years, and
I got sober.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">•<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">In my second year of sobriety my mother died. My father
and mother came to my first year anniversary.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 3.75pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: -.5in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">•<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">Suffice to say, without going into the messy details,
I was out in orbit for the first four years of sobriety, until I started
to work the 12 Steps, and then things began to improve. I truly had turned my
life, and will over to the power of God as I understood.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 3.75pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: -.5in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">•<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">I got involved with Mediterranean dance ( Beledi )
which means folk dance, or commonly known as belly dance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 3.75pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: -.5in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">•<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">My father died eleven years ago, and two months later, MS
took my big brother and I was a mess, but I stayed clean and sober.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 3.75pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt .5in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: -.5in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">•<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">At 56 years of age, I went back to University and
graduated with my Bachelor of Fine Art from Mount Allison University in 2012.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">I hesitated a bit in making this list, as part of my post
being so personal, and to some may seem very negative. Yes it's true, much
of it was negative, but in retrospect, all of these experiences, and
events have helped me to become, and to accept who I am mind, body and
spirit. I choose not to let my rites of passage define me in a negative way. I
became a resilient, whole person, that learned to take responsibility for my
own health and happiness. I've learned to accept the things I can not change,
to change the things I can, and to know and discern the difference.</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;">I am grateful for each, and every day of my rites of
passage, for my contented, happy, sober life. Especially I am forever grateful
to those who helped me along the road.</span><span style="font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"> Myself As a Crone by Catherine Meyers</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><a href="http://catherinemeyersartist.blogspot.ca/2013/11/rites-of-passage.html">catherinemeyersartist.blogspot</a></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-15161187536459819192013-07-24T14:28:00.002-04:002014-03-23T12:48:39.403-04:00One Fine Thing<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicjpi6sNI8Ti-hUnntO2bjL1Lg4eENJdKBq5jEySUgwgzo1RWcmgpfpvsthc9sx2_SFREcd7-y0dKZVSK4c6Oc9oHWaZHA-vwig8qz1wxHFm8L8bQdOA8qBli2qXY7lRC99Rkhl7apmpM/s1600/1-14-792.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicjpi6sNI8Ti-hUnntO2bjL1Lg4eENJdKBq5jEySUgwgzo1RWcmgpfpvsthc9sx2_SFREcd7-y0dKZVSK4c6Oc9oHWaZHA-vwig8qz1wxHFm8L8bQdOA8qBli2qXY7lRC99Rkhl7apmpM/s320/1-14-792.jpg" height="218" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(Image by Jade Beall Photography)</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">My new friend and kindred, Catherine, generously invited me
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thing I could say (to women), one thing I could share, what would it be?” I
would say, “You can <i>know</i>, just how
magnificent you are.” I don’t mean <i>when</i>;
when you lose 10 pounds, when you get that promotion, when you accomplish
whatever it is you think you “should” do.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">No, I mean right now in this present moment, you can know
the magnificence of the beautiful <i>and</i>
the not-beautiful within you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I turn 56 in less than 3 weeks, and if there is one thing I
now know like I know like I know, it is that all that I have ever longed for,
searched for, felt was missing or just not quite right in my life was addressed
with one primary relationship - the relationship with self. Yeah, I said it. Do
you have a visceral reaction to it? Do you have little voices in your head that
whisper words like <i>selfish,
self-centered, self-absorbed, egotistical, narcissistic, unattractive,
unspiritual, wrong, bad?</i> Tell me how did “self” become such a dirty word?
It’s like the word “no” for women. Nice girls are always loving and giving… to <i>others.</i> From the time we are little
girls we are taught to focus our attention outward and away from ourselves
toward others. We are taught to focus our time, attention, energy, love,
commitment, generosity, patience, and compassion to <i>other</i>. This is done often out of balance and to the exclusion of
our <i>self</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">How many women do you know who are very comfortable with giving
to others their time, attention, love and acceptance, but feel uncomfortable
and undeserving when it comes to giving that same thing to themselves? How many
women do you know who are just as comfortable with <i>receiving</i> as they are with giving? I have been facilitating women’s
soul work since 1997, and I have met and know a lot of women. I would have to
say in response to this question, very few. What I have discovered is that as
women, this is one thing we seem to share universally. I don’t think it’s
limited to the U.S. because women from all over the world respond to my women’s
Facebook page, and it is certainly broader than American culture. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The problem with the message that self is bad, and the resulting impact, is
that women disconnect from their bodies. This is a grave problem because our
bodies house our instincts and intuition. Our bodies tell us the truth about
when we need to say yes and when we need to say no. In fact, our bodies will
tell us exactly what we need at any point in time if we will but listen. Sadly,
we have been taught to fear this. We have been programmed to see our body as
the enemy. Most women believe that if they listened to their body tell them
what they need that it would destroy them with its voracious appetites. But that,
Dear Girls, is a lie. Our magnificent bodies are an exquisite resource. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Most of us have come to believe that if we accepted
ourselves exactly as we are in this moment, we would become lazy, complacent,
unmotivated to create positive change. We have come to believe that our harsh
inner critic is what motivates us and keeps us from becoming something
undesirable. Is that really true? Think for a moment about how humans thrive.
What results would you get if you said to a child the critical things you say to
yourself? Would that child thrive? Would that child be motivated to risk, to
step out of their comfort zone, to learn new things? Or would that child become
fearful, distrusting, hesitant, lacking confidence? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
This is true of any human.
If the inner critic actually worked, wouldn’t we all be in a very different
place by now? The truth is that constant criticism enlists our lizard brain,
the part of our brain that responds with fight or flight. When we are
threatened or under stress (criticism), our bodies produce cortisol, a stress
hormone. When the body feels consistently threatened or attacked, the long-term
effects of cortisol can have a negative effect on our overall health. The body,
when under this constant internal stress, in order to protect itself, will
eventually shut itself down. Depression follows. When a person is depressed,
there is little motivation. So a deeply ingrained pattern of self-criticism is
actually <i>de-</i>motivating. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">All that garbage you have been telling yourself all these
years does not help you. It does not expand your life or nourish you in any
way. It is counter-productive, diminishes your health, and impedes your joy. You
deserve joy. Period. Commit to the act of Embracing. Synonyms for Embracing: Acceptance.
Approval. Agreement. Implementation. Yes, practice it. Get up every morning and
say yes. Yes to this belly, yes to these breasts, yes to these hips, thighs,
waist, arms. Yes. Look at your body in the mirror and begin the practice of
loving and accepting yourself right here and now, all of you. Reconnect with
the wisdom of your body. It has so much to tell you. Look into your own eyes
and begin to build a relationship with yourself that is honoring and
respectful. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The self is not some ugly, anti-god monster. The self is our
soul-self, that rich, dark fertile soil of the psyche. What is there drives our
actions whether we know it or not. We can live from an unconscious,
self-defeating place or a conscious loving place. It is a choice, but it is not
an event. Tending soul is like tending a garden. It needs love, nourishment,
and nurture. When we make that commitment, we get to reap the harvest. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">There is
a bounty of joy, compassion, peace, freedom, and personal empowerment waiting
for each of us. It starts right here at home, this relationship with myself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-49482438419374428832013-04-10T19:53:00.001-04:002014-03-23T12:52:44.391-04:00Being IN My Body<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp875-F4aiFMd9IynS1D1ERS14QcHopyF7fYdMMr7QvtFvHyhG8WjOcZdYRobK4Hq7YazkP3TID3yJhmg1-MxIQ7YkDNBV3deKlIt8OAdL0vjPl_L2prjxP40D3omxz5wOGRJD5RIzKNI/s1600/julia+mirror.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp875-F4aiFMd9IynS1D1ERS14QcHopyF7fYdMMr7QvtFvHyhG8WjOcZdYRobK4Hq7YazkP3TID3yJhmg1-MxIQ7YkDNBV3deKlIt8OAdL0vjPl_L2prjxP40D3omxz5wOGRJD5RIzKNI/s320/julia+mirror.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">In my work with women on weekend retreats, in sacred circle, at workshops, etc., I have heard women speak of distrust of other women. I have
heard fear of judgment and criticism, fear of being talked about behind their
backs, experiences of betrayal.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I myself grew up in a family of 6 women. My father traveled
much. My mom mostly raised us, me and my four sisters. Although I have some
good memories, I also experienced it as very cruel, critical, and viciously
competitive. My relationship with women was bittersweet. It contained both fun
and laughter, and the cruel as well. I learned not to trust women... or to
trust that they would betray you and stab you in the back, say mean, biting
things in front of others, ridicule you in an attempt to raise themselves up,
etc. Now, consider this: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I, I, I
am a woman.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So it stands to reason that if I believe that about women, I
also believe it about myself. I learn to reject myself, not trust myself, etc.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">As little girls, we learn about our value and worth as a
woman from the most important woman in our lives, our mother. If our mother is
wounded on a soul level, or if she is cruel, critical, abusive of the feminine;
then we learn, by model, to do that to ourselves. So, long after that parent is
even on the planet, we continue to do that to ourselves because we now carry
that critical parent within our own psyche. My mother carried a deep wound
around her own femaleness, her own sexuality. She was raised in a strict
Southern Baptist family with a hyper-critical mother. While she was away in
nursing school, my mother got pregnant. Her mother pressured her to give the
baby up for adoption. Mom carried the pain of that all her life. This was also
kept a secret until I was more than 30 years old. The shame and pain she
carried about herself influenced me as a woman and how I saw my own womanhood.
How could it not?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I believe this is part of why women's work has become such a
passion of mine. I want to heal my relationship with myself as a woman... and
in doing so, I open the door to heal my relationships with other women.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">What I have learned in my own path toward healing is just
how profoundly we are creatures of perception. My awareness today is knowing
that when I perceive someone outside of myself to be judging me, it is often
because I am already judging myself. Even if they actually ARE judging me, it
is only a problem if I also believe it. Think about that. Say someone
"judges" me to be Scandinavian, for example. If I have no judgments
about being Scandinavian, and if I know that I am not Scandinavian, then it
doesn't bother me if that person thinks that. It is only when I already believe
that to be a "bad" thing and believe I am that "bad" thing,
then it becomes a problem.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">This whole judgment thing comes up quite frequently in my
women’s work. In fact, when we create sacred circle and women speak what they
need in order to feel safe, there has never been a time when at least one woman
(usually more) ask that they not be judged. EVERY. SINGLE. CIRCLE. And I‘ve sat
in a lot of circles with women. What that tells me is something I already know;
we ourselves carry a pretty harsh judge within us. Our own inner critic is the
place where healing is needed. My inner critic has kept me from wearing the
clothes I wanted to wear, having sex when I wanted to have sex, kept me from
going places and attending events I wanted to attend because somehow I wasn't
thin enough, fit enough, pretty enough, sexy enough. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I remember a time when I was a teen... it was one specific summer
that stands out in my mind (there are others, but this one for now). We lived
in Dunwoody. There was a neighborhood pool and they had a large swim team with
swim meets. It was a big deal and a large community. Competitive. My dad had a
real respect for the water. When we were very small, he made sure all of us
took swim lessons and knew how to handle ourselves in the water. He insisted we
also be on the neighborhood swim team. Every summer, my sisters and I spent
most of our time hanging out with friends at the pool. This particular summer,
I had gained some weight. But in my mind at the age of 16, I believed I was so
hideous, so unacceptable, that I couldn't bear to go out. The whole summer when
my sisters would go to the pool, I would stay at home, ashamed to put on a swim
suit and be seen in public. And truth be told, I wasn't even that big. It was
my *mind* that tortured me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">When I sit in circle with women today, and we pass a hand
mirror; as each woman takes a moment to look into her own eyes and really *see*
herself, it is a difficult task. Most often she speaks her criticism out loud.
That’s a good thing, I believe, because it creates connection through
compassion. There isn’t a woman in that room who hasn’t felt the same thing.
Now imagine doing that same mirror exercise with a full length mirror where the
woman can see her whole body. And now imagine standing in front of your own
full length mirror in your bathroom or some place you feel safe. Imagine
yourself loving yourself *naked*. Yes, naked. Right now. Just as you are. Not
20 or 30 lbs, or even 5 lbs lighter. Not younger, not thinner, smarter,
prettier, more successful, whatever. Right now. This body. This *you*. Can you
love HER? *Will* you love her? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-76820976709024738742013-03-31T16:28:00.002-04:002014-03-23T12:49:27.071-04:00This Precious Life<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">“How can people close to tragedies make sense of them? Religion provides an answer for that… It is consoling to believe that when a child dies they go to be with Jesus and the angels. In fact, what are you really grieving about if you think that the one you love most in this world is now in a better place and you’re going to be rejoined with her in the twinkling of an eye? I think we can admit that atheism doesn’t offer real consolation at this point… The thing for which there is no real substitute is total consolation in the face of death.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">At some point, we as humans have to deal with this fact.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">[When a person comes face to face with their own mortality or the death of a loved one, there are regrets] It’s not just what they did with their time, it’s not just that they spent too much time working or compulsively checking e-mail. It’s that they cared about t</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">he wrong things. They regret what they cared about. Their attention was bound up in petty concerns, year after year when life was normal. [For all of us there will] come a day when you’ll be sick or someone close to you will die and you’ll look back on the kinds of things that captured your attention and you’ll think, ‘What was I doing?’ These things only make sense in light of eternity. There better be a heaven if we’re going to waste our time like that… so unlike religious people, we atheists really have a good reason to make the most of life, to make the most of the present moment.” </span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">~Sam Harris</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><br />If I allow myself to sit with the belief that this life is it, there is nothing else; no after-life, no reincarnation, no heaven, no hell, no “being with Jesus or the angels”, then the problem is no longer death. The problem is Life. What am I going to do with this one precious and beautiful life? </span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Sitting with this probability that there is nothing after, forces me to take responsibility for my life. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">No excuses.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 17px;">… And as for death? </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">"There is no total consolation in the face of death. And there is no need for it as far as I am concerned. Instead, I want to live my life fully, with my eyes awake and all of my feelings fully intact and in full expression. No dampening with platitudes or mythical stories. I rather seek to create a space large enough and deep enough to hold my grief and the magnitude of life and death. There is a way to sink into the present moment and find it sacred and to, in that living moment, cease to have a problem." SH</span></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-80156512978552760542013-01-21T21:05:00.003-05:002018-01-21T12:05:43.623-05:00Would You Like Your Milk in a Bag?<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My mom's death last month hit me harder than I thought it would. I didn't expect it to call up the little girl in me the way it did. <i>And</i>, I have many loving and supportive family and friends in my life, so I could feel myself healing. I was being very conscious and intentional about what my body needed and how best to give that to myself. In fact, this past Friday night, I drove up with my best friend to spend some time in nature at a cabin in the woods. We had a delicious dinner, built a fire, and settled in for the evening. Then Michael called. My black lab, Max, was sick. He had diarrhea then vomiting and could not walk up the stairs after going out to pee.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">That night when I arrived at the emergency animal hospital, I learned that Max had a cancerous growth larger than a grapefruit in his abdomen. That's why he was losing weight; something we had noticed in November when we had him washed and cut. The growth had pushed all his organs aside. There was no room for anything in there but the tumor. He was in extreme pain. The vet said this wasn't uncommon in these larger breeds. Said she'd seen it before. Surgery wasn't really an option.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It was without hesitation that I made the decision. Not even a month earlier, I watched my mother suffer in horrible pain. There was no way I would let Max suffer any longer than he had to. So we let our beloved Max go. My friend and loyal companion for more than a decade, I said goodbye.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The hours that followed have been full of tears. The grief of losing Max re-opened the grief of losing my mother. She was the first person I thought to call that night. Then I remembered I couldn't call her. There are so many little seemingly mundane things that remind me of my loss, things that bring up the grief again and again, raw and palpable. This afternoon I went to the grocery store to pick up a few items to bake cookies. Baking. That's a good sign. Anything creative, actually. And baking is creating. Birth, death, and birth again. Not to mention the fact that fresh baked cookies are comforting to me.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So, I pick up my items and wander aimlessly around the store... drifting, really. I notice that's what I'm doing and make the conscious choice to check out and head home. I place my basket on the belt as the cashier totals my purchases. Another young woman begins bagging, and as she places her hand on my gallon of milk she says, "Would you like your milk in a bag?" I freeze. A string of thoughts runs through my brain. You see we've always saved the grocery bags. Years ago our vet advised us that since the dogs used the same spaces over and over to poop, we needed to clean up after them every time to prevent them from getting pinworms. We have been intentionally asking for our gallon of milk to be bagged because we used those bags for the dogs. The topic of dog poop may sound gross to you, and it is, but in that moment I remember Max, and how I wouldn't need the bags for him anymore. I remembered my Max, and I said "yes."</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">After all, we still have Sasha. She is Michael's dog. Michael got her about 4 years ago because he said, "I want a dog to love me the way Max loves you." That she does. She has been a healing force for both of us, and I am grateful. But, she's not my Max, and I miss him. He would be comforting me in the grief of my mom.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It's late in the evening for me. Tomorrow is an early day back to work after a long weekend. The long weekend where I said goodbye to my beloved friend, Max. As I crawl into bed and lay my head on my pillow, I hear the thump of his body in my memory as he curls up and drops into his place on the floor beside the bed. "Good Night, Sweet Max. Sweet dreams, Buddy. You're the <i>best</i> dog. I love you."</span></span><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-12889469145122058962013-01-14T05:47:00.001-05:002014-03-23T12:50:27.294-04:00Brave Bitch<!--StartFragment--><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mom made this shirt and proudly wore it to receive her blood transfusions at the hospital.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">4:55 a.m. another work week. The grief is shifting, moving through my body. Yesterday, I noticed I did more of the small, mundane tasks without thinking like loading the dishwasher, preparing a meal, putting in a load of laundry. Those simple tasks had been more than I could bear. In the first days, it was a success to eat, bathe, sleep. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">This past weekend, I drove to Chattanooga to receive love and support from a group of close women friends. They offered and I accepted. You may read those words and not consider how huge that is, but I implore you to consider it. Our society does not do well with these kinds of things. We rush over it and through it and applaud ourselves for how much we can do on our own, how much we give to <em>others</em>, not to ourselves. We are extremely uncomfortable with receiving help and support. Our culture judges silently suffering martyrs, but we breed them without realizing our part in it.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">So, when these women offered to hold me, tell stories, sit with me in silence, or whatever I needed, I accepted. I asked for something called a “woman boat”. The women sit on the floor in a way that their bodies, all in a row, make a sort of cocoon shaped boat or canoe. When I arrived at my friend’s house she had already set up a sacred circle. She had sage for smudging, a candle on an altar on the floor, and other items. I was grateful she had remembered these things and had thoughtfully created a sacred space for my healing. We smudged, and the smell of the sage was comforting to me. I told them what I wanted to do. That, in itself, was a big deal. I asked for what I wanted. I wanted to sing. Now, I don’t consider myself a singer in any way. I like to sing, just like my mom did. But I knew my voice was full of tears and I felt a little self-conscious about the act of singing a capella there all by myself. But my mom loved to sing, no matter what, full out, just 'cause. She loved to sing whether she knew the lyrics or not, and if she didn’t know the words, she happily made them up. So I sang in honor of my mom. I sang the songs I sang at her bedside when she died. I sang songs that reminded me of her. Then I was ready for the woman boat. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">To set up the “boat" takes some doing. The women need back and knee support to stay in this position. Furniture needed to be moved and set up. I made the very conscious decision <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not to help.</i> I didn’t move a single piece of furniture. I put no thought into how it might best work. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">This was a conscious choice.</i> You see these women were there <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">for</i> me. I consciously <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">received.</i> I listened to my body and noticed what that felt like. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">I have been in the place of those women. I have been one of the women who make the woman boat. I have heard on countless occasion women speak words of discomfort about receiving; “You want me to crawl in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">there? </i>But I’m afraid I will hurt you. I’m too heavy. Are you sure you’re okay? I’m just worried about your knees. Are you sure you have back support?” I have watched and listened to women go through this struggle countless times. Now it was my turn. I heard all the same worries in my own head and had to chuckle as I shared them with these women. They too laughed a knowing laughter as I crawled into the “boat” of women and lay there in their arms. If one is comfortable with it, women will place their hands on your body. I trust these women deeply, so they placed their hands on me.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">Sometimes the women will sing, or say chosen words of comfort and nurture. But for me, I wanted to talk about my mama. I spoke of the good and the not so good, the beautiful things about her and the not-beautiful. I cried and I laughed and I cried some more. At some point in the process, my grown daughter came in. She looked extremely uncomfortable seeing me there grieving in the arms of my women friends. But I want her to know, I want all of you to know, that we are empowered to create the life we want, the relationships we want, and the love and support we want in our lives. We do not have to suffer in silence. It is a good thing to be vulnerable. It takes great courage and strength to allow oneself to be seen, really seen. And there are abundant gifts in it as well. I know. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">Later that night and the next day when I thanked these women for showing up for me in such a profound and healing way, they spoke of how I had been there for them in so many ways, and they were giving back what they too had received from me. It made me aware of the cycle of giving and receiving. It seems all too often we are most comfortable with the giving and not so much the receiving part. But the cycle is incomplete, stagnant and unmoving, if we do not have both. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">I know my grief is still fresh and raw in the death of my mother. I know there are many more layers to process, to feel. But I can say that I trust myself with my own healing. I trust myself to ask for help and to receive love and support in a profound way. It takes courage and strength to be vulnerable, and I am a courageous and strong woman. I know this because I am my mother’s daughter, and she was a proudly self-proclaimed “Brave Bitch.”</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-45941984920922055432013-01-11T05:41:00.002-05:002014-03-23T12:50:53.113-04:00What I haven't yet said...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">My
youngest sister, Billie, flew back home to L.A. last night from Miami. It seems the final close to mom's parting, all of us going home to get on with our lives. Billie was
the remaining sister still in Miami after my mom’s passing. I haven’t written
down yet what it was like, that experience of being with mom while she breathed
her last breaths. I will do that now so I will have it somewhere… just in case
I forget. [Did you notice that? Did you notice that I called her “mom” and not
“mama” as in my earlier posts? I am growing myself back up. Slowly. Gently.]<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Mom
had struggled with Leukemia (AML) for about 3 years. The doctors were amazed at
how she fought the disease and even came back from it for a short while in the
beginning. But in the end, with a fractured vertebra in her back, aching joints
and pain all around, she was too tired and hurting to fight any longer. A woman
who once was a voracious reader, and got great joy from devouring book after
book from her regular trips to the public library, she lost the desire, will
and strength to even read. She was one who valued the quality of life. She had
my father both had living wills and did not want to linger unnecessarily in
their transition from this world. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I
remember when my dad was coming to the end, he had suffered greatly from the
effects of Parkinson’s. It’s a horrific disease. They lose the ability to
swallow and eventually starve to death. But I remember when the doctor spoke to
mom about a feeding tube for dad my said with great intensity, “I won’t do that
to him!” For her to delay his death with a feeding tube was more cruel than the
disease itself. When mom’s pain became too much for her to bear, she finally
said, “I think it’s time for Hospice.” There is more to the story, but for now
this is what I will tell:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The
last night in her condo was an extremely difficult one. Early in the morning
hours, mom was transported to the hospital where she could get the relief from
her pain that she so desperately needed. Her oncologist, and a kind and understanding doctor
Clark in the emergency room, made it possible. We told Dr. Clark we wanted no
diagnostics, nothing. Only stop the pain and make her comfortable. Our faces
pleading… desperate. Dr. Clark said, “Our society is in denial about death… <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I’m</i> in denial about death. If she were
my patient and she came in with this sound in her lungs, I would intubate her
right now. I understand what you want. We will make this happen. We will make
her comfortable.” He called mom’s Oncologist and after the phone call, turned
to me and gave a thumbs up. My whole body relaxed. Finally, finally mom would
be relieved from her suffering.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">They
gave us a room and we all stood round her taking to each other, to mom,
stroking her face, holding her hands. Her facial muscles had relaxed since the
pain medication. Her eyes had remained closed since she had left her condo. She
seemed to rest peacefully except for the sound of her lungs. We all waited…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">At
one point as I thought of her letting go and crossing over, I remembered the
lyrics of a folk song I had heard James Taylor sing, The Water is Wide. “The
water is wide. I can’t cross over. And neither have I wings to fly. Build me a
boat that can carry two, and both shall row, my love and I.” I began to sing
there, standing by her bed with my sisters and brother all around. My brother
came and stood beside me. He joined in. I sang another, a Carly Simon song. It
was a song mom and I played years before in 1991 when I drove her to treatment.
We drove her little Miata convertible. The refrain is: “Life is eternal and
love is immortal and death is only a horizon. And a horizon is nothing save the
limit of our site, save the limit of our sight.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">My
siblings and I started talking about other songs and songs Pinky liked. She
loved to sing, and when she did not know the words to a song, that never stopped
her, she delightfully made up her own words. I believe it was my sister Billie
who said mom loved Amazing Grace. So we all stood round singing Amazing Grace
to her. On the last verse, at the end, she opened her eyes one last time. To me
she looked as though she was seeing something far off that we could not see.
Something on the other side perhaps. Whatever that might look like. Billie
said, “Hey mama!” We all began to say out loud, “Goodbye, Mama. We’ll see you
on the other side!” And smiling with tears streaming down our faces, she then
closed her eyes and breathed a few more breaths. They became more shallow and
farther apart until finally they stopped, and she was gone. It was an
extraordinary experience. It was an honor… an honor to be there in her life and
in her death. It was an honor to know her.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-74165253802071823382013-01-10T05:39:00.000-05:002013-01-11T12:23:11.375-05:00What Grief Looks Like<!--StartFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">Last night I didn’t get much sleep. This morning I’m moving more slowly than usual. Yesterday while teaching, I received a text from a close friend of mine who lost her mom not too many years ago. She had read my blog post “Mama”, and said she “cried and cried”. She said “I’ve texted the girls and…” The girls she is referring to are not girls at all really. They are close friends; grown women who seek to be more intentional and awake in how they live their lives. She had called on them to surround me with support. She was “rallying the girls” for me. She planned a sleepover. I am reminded of the girl-word “slumber party.” She said, “We want to be with you, tell stories, hold you, sit with you in silence if that is what you need.” Wow. I felt so loved, so surrounded by love and support and healing friendship that I burst into tears standing at my desk at school. My poor little first graders were coming in at the time.</span> <span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">I used it as an opportunity to speak to them about my loss. I assured them that I was taking good care of myself and how comforting it was to have good friends. A little boy raised his hand and asked, “Good tears then?” “Yes", I said. "Good tears because I feel well loved and supported by the people in my life”. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">I was ‘off’ in my work though. In that same class, I was talking about an upcoming lesson. They sat in silence looking at me. A kind and loving parapro who attends with that class walked over to me while I was teaching and gently took both my hands in hers, spoke to me in a loving tone and said, “Ms. Julia, this class has already completed that project. They took it home before winter break”. I stood there looking stunned and let it sink in. She opened her arms and said, “May I give you a hug?” I smiled and said yes, receiving her love and support. All day went like that. It seems my brain is trying desperately to catch up with my body.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">This Friday I am accepting my friend’s offer. I am going to Chattanooga for love and support from “the girls”. I am infinitely grateful for the relationships in my life. Today I take it one step at a time. I am patient with myself and my own time-table of healing. Today I can lean on the support of loving friends and family.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-85459816386306790472013-01-09T05:32:00.004-05:002013-01-09T14:19:11.234-05:00Mama<!--StartFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">Journal 1-7 </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX7E1ArMKKRB0tSaK-uj3fyTYyCA8RruJhWMoApLKH4tC1S5Rz0i-JwS22qUCBPiKbllhA5Hj4EMnbxe5kKJxe0JwbgX4ubYQVZs3HQlIvC63kjRBP2rHwRhjL6CVcCKy8PyL5c-PitXk/s1600/Birthdays+in+Fl_2003.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX7E1ArMKKRB0tSaK-uj3fyTYyCA8RruJhWMoApLKH4tC1S5Rz0i-JwS22qUCBPiKbllhA5Hj4EMnbxe5kKJxe0JwbgX4ubYQVZs3HQlIvC63kjRBP2rHwRhjL6CVcCKy8PyL5c-PitXk/s1600/Birthdays+in+Fl_2003.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">My Mama died on December 27<sup>th</sup>, just 11 days ago. I can hardly believe it. How can she not be here any more? It feels so strange. I used to call her in the mornings on the way to work, back when she was feeling better. On Wednesdays she would say something like, “The weekend’s almost here!” all cheerful like because she knew I was looking forward to the end of another work week. She knew I would rather be doing other things with my creative time<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>…creative gift and passion I got from her. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">I can still hear her voice in my head. I can hear her say “night-night” the way she used to do. I am indescribably grateful for modern technology and the regrets I heard from those whose loved ones had passed earlier. How they wished they had recorded their voice. How they wished they had video of their loved one. Well, I wasn’t going to let that happen to me. I have her beloved Pinky voice telling me how much she loved me and how much I helped her. I have video after video of her telling her stories to me. She loved to tell stories. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">How does my life go on without my mama? I know people do it all the time. They have been doing it for millennia. When my dad died, it wasn’t like this. I missed him, but it was different. With my mom there is a little girl emptiness, an aching hole in my heart. There is a void that cannot be filled, only tended to while it builds a scar. And that I have been doing; lovingly tending to myself. I have stayed in my pajamas all day. I even went to a New Year’s party in pajamas. They were Pinky’s, actually. Heavy white flannel with black dog paw prints on the pants. I have gotten a massage. I have drawn baths with bubbles and good scented oils. I have lit candles and played healing music. Once while in the tub, I played The Velveteen Rabbit narrated by Meryl Streep with music by George Winston. I lay in the warm, soothing water and sobbed. It was just what I needed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">Today is my first day back at work. The students return tomorrow. I am feeling resistant. I want to stay in my cocoon. I want to curl up and cry. I want to stay in my pajamas all day. I want to build a wall around me and not answer phone calls. I want to carry a Kleenex box and wipe my unceasing tears. I want to bring up torn cardboard storage boxes from the garage and go through endless photographs. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">Journal 1-8</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">Last night I slept through the night for the first time since my trip to Miami to say goodbye to mom. I’m dreaming though, just like the article on grief said. I’ve had a few bad dreams. I guess you could call them nightmares. They were disturbing enough to wake Michael and ask him to hold me as a result. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">Today is the first day back at work with the students. Yesterday was tougher than I expected. When I walked in the front doors, I went to check my mailbox. Cheryl saw me, and just the action of her looking at me and rising from her desk to come hug me made me break down in tears. Then there I was talking about the experience while she stood there saying nothing and looking uncomfortable. I cried off and on most of the day.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">Another unexpected occurrence was that the sisters and Louie and I texted all day long about the grief and our personal struggles throughout the day. It seemed strange and unusual for us. I could tell he was elated. Apparently mom had asked him to “keep the family together”, which is in itself a tall order. I am certain mom was the glue that held the sisters together. I’m not convinced we all like each other that much. In fact, it’s true that I never once went to visit Kat in Miami, nor did I ever have intention to do so until mom got sick. Kat stood before me when I flew out, tears in her eyes, looking extremely vulnerable and said, “I’ll never see you again.” I was struck by the truth of her words, and I felt sadness and compassion. Days later, in a text, Louie implored us all to stay together, to make a promise/commitment to stay connected as a family. Even Dona made the promise. I couldn’t help but wonder which ones really considered their actions and were willing to do the work to follow through. It was not a promise I took lightly. I am not certain, even now, of my own success with it.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">So, my mom is gone and I miss her. I miss hearing her voice tell me “night-night.” I miss talking to her on the phone on the drive to work early in the a.m. It’s what broke me open yesterday morning as I pulled out of the driveway in the darkness. I miss her calls when she was struggling with feeling less-than, and how she would tell me how much better she felt after talking to me. I miss her singing Happy Birthday to me on the phone all those years of birthdays. I miss her laughter. I miss her story-telling. I miss her more than words can or ever will describe. I miss you, mama. I just can’t believe you’re gone.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">Journal 1-9</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">Last night, before going off to bed, I listened to her voicemail messages again. I listened to her familiar Pinky voice tell me how much she loved me and how much I have helped. You see that verb tense. It’s one of the odd things one struggles with when a loved one dies. “Have” helped her… not “had”. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">Listening to them brought a loud sound from within me. A wailing. Max got up from his dog bed and came over next to me and lay at my feet as I cried.</span> <span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">Perhaps it is a new ritual… listening to her voice before I go to bed. I only wish I had one of her saying “night-night” the way she used to. In my crying, I decided to call a sister to reach out. I decided to call Billie. I have never reached out to her like that, not really. But when I was with her this last time in Miami, staying at mom’s condo, we had some very precious time one on one. Precious to me anyway. So I called her. I got her voicemail and left a message telling her I loved her and was thinking of her… telling her I was missing mom and thought to call and connect. Then I sent a simple text message to all my 5 siblings saying only “night-night”. I got one response. Gay Carney texted in reply:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> "L</span>ove you all too!” I was hoping there might be a flurry of texting between siblings the way it was my first day back at work and we all stayed connected through technology saying how our day of grief was going. Texting things we remembered and were missing. Part of me was excited thinking, “oh! Maybe we will stay connected in a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">new</i> way now. Maybe this really <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">will</i> be the start of something new.” I felt sad then when only Gay Carney texted in reply and no one else.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">This morning when I woke up, the ache and realization, the remembering that she’s gone felt somehow less intense, more dulled even. I thought to myself how some part of me doesn’t want the ache to go, to be dulled, because it seems she will be even farther from me. But I know it’s what happens. It’s how the human body handles it. It’s part of the process.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">More dreams last night. It’s funny, I haven’t had a dream that I remembered, or the realization that I had dreamed, for a long time. Now it seems I dream every night. That’s what I read…that when people grieve the loss of a loved one their dreams intensify and are more frequent. Mine don’t seem to even be related on the surface. The first few nights after her death I didn’t sleep except what felt like a few small breaks intermittently. It felt like sleep for 30 minute spans, or perhaps an hour at a time, but not really sleep at all. Every time I woke, I woke hearing the song I sang at her bedside or the Carly Simon song we played on the way to drop flowers in the ocean in her memory. This morning I don’t remember my dreams, but they are right there, my awareness of them.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "American Typewriter";">Part of me is mad at her, you know, mad at her for leaving me. It feels little girl-like. I hear myself saying inside my head, “Mama, please don’t leave me!” I think of our phone calls and my chest <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">aches</i> with longing for her. I long to hold her hand, to sit beside her and talk, to listen to her tell the stories she loved to tell again and again. No, she was not the mother I wanted. No, she was not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">there</i> for me so many times in the way I wanted and needed her to be. …But she was the mother I got, and I grew to love her as the mother I had. As a grown woman, I began creating a relationship with her that was so very precious to me that I let go of old wants. I was able to let go and to love, with a great big Pinky kind of love, the woman my mother <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">was</i>. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-26924378750348176192012-10-27T08:20:00.000-04:002012-10-27T08:20:05.144-04:00Use Your Brain<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">I saw some stats that said women were leaning toward Romney. I just cannot wrap my head around that. I've heard some women say that they are worried about the economy and want to focus on the economy, and that's why they are leaning toward Romney. Okay, but how exactly can you address the economy or help create positive change when you don't have a voice? In Romney's world (and his supporters), women do not make choices for themselves. How can you have the power and influence to create the change you want in the world when you are treated and seen as less than a whole person? This is a civil rights issue. A friend of mine who is gay posted something on FaceBook that really deepened my understanding. He posted:</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">"When you read the anti-gay comments and/or rhetoric of what “gay rights” are and what they will do, replace the word gay(s) with my name.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Examples:</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">LEO shouldn’t be allowed to marry.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">LEO getting married is a threat to families.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">LEO cannot be a good parent.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">LEO doesn’t love, it’s only lust.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">LEO is ‘fixable’ with electroshock therapy and psychological torture.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">LEO is what’s wrong ...with this country.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">If LEO can marry, we should just let people marry animals.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Being LEO is a choice.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">I hope that this contextualizes the argument for you.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">The ‘gay movement’ is about people that love one another and want to spend their lives together. It’s about legal recognition and protection of my commitment to another person. It’s about recognizing me as a human being, worth just as much as my non-GLBT marriage-eligible counterparts.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">How is that threatening to you? More importantly, how am I?"</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">When I read this with a man's name in it, a man I have not even yet met, but a person I feel a connection with, a like-mindedness, a person I call "friend". It puts things into perspective for me. I also have dear, close friends here in the Atlanta area whom I consider family. These family are also gay. When I put their names in this quote above, I feel angry, angry that there are so many people in our country who see my family, and me as well since I am a woman, as less than - as less than a whole human with less than rights.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">If women want to make change for a better economy, we must be creative in our thinking, in our problem-solving, in our actions. We must elect people who are creative in their thinking, in their problem-solving, in their actions. But you cannot be creative and use your critical thinking skills when you are rigid and closed, when you are not willing to let die what is old and counter-productive. I teach art in the public school system. I see this all the time. It is not just with kids in school. It is a way of operating in the world.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">You want a better economy? To accomplish that we need innovation, collaboration, creative problem solving, cooperative decision-making, the knowledge of how to make multiple revisions, and clear communication. We are living in an age of ever-changing media, technology, and information. An innovative and creative leader is tolerant and open through multicultural and historical perspectives and through their involvement in the creative process itself. There are WAY to many problems and issues in our country and our government today NOT to have someone who is a creative and innovative problem-solver. Each of us is now challenged to be and to have these characteristics above. Rigidity and holding tightly to old and outdated ideas constricts and cuts off critical thinking. Critical thinking come from a place of openness.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">To women especially I end with this quote. It is this kid of "dead woman" that Romney's culture, beliefs, and actions seek to create.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">"Be good, no creative life. Sit still, no creative life. Speak, think, act demurely, little creative juice. Any group, society, institution, or organization that encourages women to revile the eccentric; to be suspicious of the new and unusual; to avoid the fervent, the vital, the innovative; to impersonalize the personal, is asking for a culture of dead women." CPE</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">And I would add, dead <i>people</i>.</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-591221892449284822012-08-11T09:23:00.002-04:002012-08-12T09:42:41.084-04:00Worthy of Love & Belonging<br />
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-size: 11.0pt;">A question was put to me; “If a person does not believe in God
and the tenants of a creator, then what is to keep them from doing whatever
they want, whenever they want, regardless of the consequences?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-size: 11.0pt;">My experience and my truth is that a person does not need God
for this purpose. It is not the belief in God, nor the belief in God's
guidelines or rules that makes a person act good or be good. [By
"good", I mean loving, respectful, truthful, generous, thoughtful,
supportive, encouraging, of integrity, and all the positive qualities one might
associate with "good".]<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-size: 11.0pt;">It is rather the belief in their own worth and in their innate
value and significance that drives or motivates a person to take loving, right
action, and to consider how their actions impact another.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-size: 11.0pt;">When a human knows, TRULY knows, their worth, value, and
significance in the world, then that knowing, that belief that they have
something of worth to bring to the table, that they are needed and necessary
creates empathy, understanding, compassion, and connection to others and to
community. Out of that, one comes to understand the impact of their actions on
others, in the community and on the world (environmental awareness, etc.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-size: 11.0pt;">While it is true that some seek to get their sense of value and
worthiness from their relationship with their God, it is not dependent upon
that belief. I, myself, am proof of that. There are also those who believe in
God and yet do not believe in their own worth, value, and significance as a
human being. To see the evidence of this, all one has to do is look at their
behavior and how they treat themselves and talk to themselves. A person's
self-talk speaks volumes about what they truly believe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-size: 11.0pt;">It is also true that there are those people in the world whose
actions are not what we might call good. For example their actions are often
greedy, selfish, thoughtless, hurtful to others, diminishing, discouraging,
belittling, lying, deceitful, etc. I could go on, but you get my meaning. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-size: 11.0pt;">My truth is that all human beings have within them both the light and the
dark. It is in embracing and owning that I too have those not-beautiful
qualities that moves me out of shadow and into the light where I can see them.
This is not for the purpose of beating myself up because I discovered the
not-beautiful in me, but rather by bringing these shadow aspects into the light
where I can see them (awareness), I can now make conscious and informed choices
about how I want to act. How I want to act is driven by how I want to feel
afterwards.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I will use the concrete example of adultery: I could choose to
have an affair. It might feel good in the moment. But what is it costing me in
the end? How do I *feel* in the end? What is really going on here? If I do not
value myself, if I believe on some deep level that I am not worthy of love and
belonging, then I will *live* out of that place of unworthiness. I sabotage my
marriage, I destroy another's marriage, I destroy my children's home, etc. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-size: 11.0pt;">There is more; the affair was not created in a vacuum. The
acting out in an affair can be a distraction or drug that keeps me from looking
at what is missing from my marriage. Somewhere something is not working for me.
Somewhere some need is not getting met. Perhaps (like my first marriage), I
chose a man who is belittling or demeaning in the way he speaks to and treats
me. Now we are back to my belief in my own unworthiness. So in my unworthiness,
I choose a man who also is disconnected from his own worth, and we co-create a
marriage that does not nurture, support, and help us thrive. Because I do not
value myself or see myself as worthy, I do not know how to give that in a
sustaining way to my husband.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Now take this same marriage example, and nourish it with a
belief in self-love, worthiness and belonging. You will get a completely
different outcome. When conflict arises, and it will, the woman who knows her
own worth will honor the conflict as natural. She will treat both herself and
her husband with respect and conscious consideration. Why? Because she *knows*
she is worthy of love and belonging. And because she knows this, she may be
afraid of the unknown, but her fear does not paralyze her. She has the courage,
the strength, and the belief in herself to take conscious action driven by this
sense of love and worthiness (as opposed to fear and inadequacy). She is not
afraid to set healthy boundaries because she is clear about her own worth. She
*knows* she deserves a relationship of mutual love, respect, honesty, value,
tenderness, etc. and because she *knows* this, she has chosen a man who ALSO
believes he is worthy and they co-create this together. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-size: 11.0pt;">This is not about a belief in God, but a belief in one's own
innate worth. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-size: 11.0pt;">So in answer to the question: What keeps one from doing whatever
they want, whenever they want, regardless of the consequences? My answer is:
Self-love. My belief in my own worth, value, and significance. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">That</i> is what drives my actions, creates
empathy and compassion, and connects me with the community and the world.</span><o:p></o:p></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5539387633934793609.post-81497126658548800692012-06-19T12:20:00.000-04:002012-07-16T08:34:18.840-04:00Heroines<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Who are your female heroes? Are you too young
to have seen the movie <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Thelma and Louise</i>
played by Susan Sarandon (one of my personal heroes) and Geena Davis? It’s such
a favorite of mine, I own a copy… and I don’t own a lot of movies. When I first
saw this movie, I identified with Thelma, played by Geena Davis. She plays a passive housewife married to a
verbally abusive and controlling jackass of a husband. Thelma’s character arch
was how I saw myself, or wanted to see myself at the time. I too was in a marriage
with a verbally abusive and controlling husband. I wanted to be free… free from
the inside out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">One of the most powerful moments in the movie
for me is when the two women decide they would rather have freedom in death and
the unknown than live in a world where women pay the price for the sins of men.
Every time I have seen this scene, I cry. Ridley Scott knows how to portray my
heroines. I’d dare say Ridley Scott knows women. The character development of
Louise goes from anal, compulsively neat and clean, tight French twist wrapped
in a scarf - to no make-up, sunburned cheeks, hair wild and free, blowing in
the wind of her convertible. We as an audience, watch them both transform in a
way that to this day, I find stunning. The beauty of it takes my breath away
and brings tears to my eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Thelma and Louise</span></i><span style="font-family: Arial;"> was
produced and directed by Ridley Scott in 1991. He also directed <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien, </i>a sci-fi movie where Sigourney
Weaver was pretty badass and even <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">more</i>
badass in the sequel <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Aliens</i> directed
by James Cameron.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">The role of women in stories has changed over
time. Originally, the woman was a prop – the recipient of the hero’s love. Often
portrayed as a damsel in distress or a steadfast partner. Parts played by women
reflect their roles in society. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">The archetype of Nurturer, altruistic,
optimistic, capable, is one that gets a lot of good press. She is often most
content at home, and takes care of everyone around her before tending to her
own needs. An ideal mother, companion or friend, She is loyal and truly kind,
always ready with encouragement. Pleasant and enjoyable, she is the glue in
social settings. Has a hard time saying no – a people pleaser. And although
this Nurturer energy has many wonderful and necessary qualities, women often
stay stuck in the shadow aspects of this archetype, failing to give the same
time, attention, and love to their own needs, desires, and dreams.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">There are many archetypes playing out in the
lives of women, and they each have both a light and a shadow side. The four
archetypes of survival are Victim, Saboteur, Child, and the Prostitute. You
might read this and say, “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">WHAT??!!!
PROSTITUTE! VICTIM! Child, sure I get that… and MAYBE I can sometimes see
Saboteur, but not those other ugly and distasteful archetypes.” </i>And my
response to that is, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">they call it Shadow
for a reason, Honey</i>. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Our shadow is disowned and rejected aspects of self. Usually
it is because we see those aspects as negative in some way. But we also disown
our beauty, our strength, our power. We then see it in our projections onto
other women and wish we could be more like them, not knowing that we hold that
very thing we see inside of ourselves. Estes (WWRWTW) reminds us that shadow
also “can contain the divine, the luscious, beautiful, and powerful aspects of
personhood. For women especially, the shadow most always contains very fine
aspects of being that are forbidden or given little support by her culture. At
the bottom of the well in the psyches of too many women lies the visionary, the
creator, the astute truth-teller, the far-seer, the one who can speak well of herself
without denigration, who can face herself without cringing, who works to
perfect her craft. The positive impulses of shadow for women in our culture
most often revolve around permission for the creation of a handmade life.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">This is some of what we will explore at the
Women’s Soul Journey Retreat in September. Join us for this rich discussion,
healing, growth, and play in the north Georgia mountains. For more information,
follow this link and click on Fall Women’s Retreat; Exploring the Good Girl
Archetype. <a href="http://juliaspeerart.com/Soul_Tending.html">http://juliaspeerart.com/Soul_Tending.html</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06462642862031115505noreply@blogger.com3