Saturday, October 8, 2011

Chaise Lounge

It’s a beautiful fall morning. I slept until 7:45, which is reeeeeally late compared to my week day 4:30 a.m. I am sitting on my chaise lounge on my back deck, wrapped in my white terry robe. A fresh brewed cup of Komodo Dragon in the mug I bought back in 1987, while I was in a treatment center. It reads, “No matter where you go, there you are.” Wise words.

The air is cool. Cool enough for my finger tips to be a little numb. The warmth of my coffee mug feels soothing in my hands. I hold it with both and warm myself, a big, contented smile on my face. The dog's toe nails click-click on the wooden deck as they find their spot to rest. The morning air has that turned-leaf smell of autumn and is cool to my nostrils.

Chaise lounge. Don’t you just love that word? I love the way it feels on my tongue as I say it. It feels …luxurious, decadent. I thought of buying a chaise lounge for a long time, to do this very thing I am doing. I wanted a black, wrought iron one with wheels and a thick, weather resistant pad. Every year I would search images and prices on the internet, imagining the luxury of having this very kind of time I am having now. And every year I would put it off until I had forgotten about it for another year.

This pattern went on for some years until one year I saw the pattern and became curious as to what it was about. That’s when I really heard the word “chaise lounge” for the first time. “Lounge”. Hmmmmmm… I realized I avoided buying one because I had resistance to allowing myself to lounge. I discovered I had all manner of internal messages about lounging, and they were quite discouraging. “Lounging? Who has time to lounge? Lounging is lazy, and I am a very busy and productive person.” And of course busy and productive are tied to one’s value and worth in this culture, are they not? Don’t we brag when we “haven’t taken a vacation in five years!” This culture loves martyrs. Martyr mothers that give, give, give to their children and have nothing left for themselves. Martyr fathers who work, work, work and exhaust themselves and burn out. Martyr employees who work and work and take no vacation and are always the first ones to step up and take on one more thing. Yes, this culture loves martyrs. It’s considered quite noble to suffer for others. It’s ironic then, how we often sit in judgment of other cultures who will martyr themselves with their life for what they believe. Food for thought.

So anyway, I decided to allow lounging. I decided to make room for it in my life. That year, I bought my black, wrought iron chaise lounge with wheels and a thick pad. I watch myself struggle with actually using it. I’m getting better at it. This morning I am enjoying the luxury of it, and sharing that luxury with you. I encourage you, give yourselves permission to lounge. You deserve it. I challenge you to take a look at the internal messages you carry around scarcity vs. abundance. What do you tell yourself on a daily basis? Listen with a thoughtful ear. I promise you, you will learn much. There are treasures in that inquiry. 

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